Emi 202: You Know What We Do — Here’s Why It Matters

In Part 1 of this series, I offered some insights into just what you’re signing up for when you join Emi — but I wouldn’t be surprised if you still had some questions. For example, how exactly does paying a little more attention while saying hello or goodbye to my partner make a difference? And why should I send a text about what I’d like to do as a couple this weekend? The fact is, while these actions may seem insignificant, Emi draws on relationship psychology to amplify the benefits of even the smallest actions.

Making The Time

One of the main things that Emi does to benefit couples is that it makes the ever shrinking amount of time we have together more valuable, and you may be overestimating just how much time you get with your partner. According to a UCLA study of dual-income households with kids, the parents spend less than 10% of their time together without children around. And even if, like me, you don’t have kids, erratic schedules and differing commitments mean that we don’t always get a lot of time with our partners.

Whether you’re making a point of saying thank you, hello, or telling your partner what you appreciate about them, those small actions turn a single minute into a powerful moment of connection. And we all know what they say about quality time — ultimately, it matters more than the quantity. There’s a big difference between three hours on the couch watching Netflix and five minutes talking honestly about your day or just cuddling quietly.

The Secret Of The Kiss

Another one of Emi’s core prompts is the six-second kiss, and once again this exercise gets at the heart of our relationship, and our biology. But why six seconds? Six seconds is the length of time it takes for the body to release oxytocin, the hormone associated with bonding, love, and reduced stress. A twenty second hug will also reduce stress, but kissing not only provides that oxytocin boost — the same hormone released during birth to facilitate bonding between mother and child — it will also give you an immune system boost.

What About The Weekly Exercises

As I’ve mentioned, and as you know if you’ve started using Emi, the exercises above are part of the repeating rotation. So what about those weekly exercises? What makes them different? In many ways, these weekly exercises are jumping off points for something more.

Take the weekly stressors exercise as a prime example. How often do you find that something’s bothering you — whether it’s an issue at work or a frustration at home — and you don’t mention it? We all hope that any irritant will go away and that we can cover them over, keeping them from interfering in our relationships, but that’s simply not true. Instead, we withdraw, we snap at our partners and children. By speaking honestly about things that might be bothering us, we can prevent bigger problems and even start resolving little irritants.

The above exercise also works in conjunction with the weekly, “letting things go” text option. It’s easy to harp on small details — something your partner said or did that you’ve internalized or failed to put into perspective. When we let go of or reframe these thoughts, we retrain our brains to engage in more positive ways.

Build Better Habits

Perhaps more than anything else, Emi transforms your relationship by helping you to form new, positive habits — in under a minute a day. That’s less time than it takes to clear your email inbox or make a good cup of coffee, and doesn’t your relationship deserve that extra effort?